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By the moonlight by ~Carthlete:iconCarthlete:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Experimental > Surrealism


Withering, wasting, time buzzes, its her dying day.
         Plucked, prodded at, prickling defenses all fall away.
         Perfumed wrists, watch patiently, practiced words penetrate willfully.
         Slicing silenced gardens, grimly grasping, now she is slowly sliding.
         Sun set softly, shading sharply, surely shortly now.
         Glowing, gleaming gravely, gorgeous as ever.
         There is beauty in death.
©2006-2009 ~Carthlete
:iconcarthlete:

Author's Comments

Dear my love, havent you longed to be free?

-For Chris.

Comments


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:iconpyroartisan:
~pyroartisan Oct 18, 2006, 3:31:09 AM
Very nice.

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Do not patronize. Criticize.
:iconcarthlete:
~Carthlete Oct 18, 2006, 6:21:36 PM
why thank you :)

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well arent you just the queen of the castle?
:iconmahoutragicqueen:
~MahouTragicQueen Nov 7, 2006, 12:02:46 PM
I really like the first line and the bit about "slicing silenced gardens." There is a lot of nice assonance in it.

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Pimping jewelery for a friend: [link]
:icongal4:
~gal4 Nov 7, 2006, 11:47:40 PM
could you tell me what it means caues i dont understand it, ?

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I'm not afraid of dieing i just dont want to be their when it happens
p.s
look at my stuff [link]
:iconcarthlete:
~Carthlete Nov 7, 2006, 11:57:15 PM
sure, its about death... A flower dieing.
The flower is slowly withering, people have picked at it, women have held the flower in their hands but as the day is coming to an end and all the noises of the garden quiet down, the flower is slipping into death
and you know when the sun is just setting and it casts a beautiful soft glow on everything? Under this glow the flower is more beautiful in its solitude and death then it has ever been when it was surrounded by people fussing over it.

Hope that cleared it up for ya

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well arent you just the queen of the castle?
:icongal4:
~gal4 Nov 8, 2006, 12:06:19 AM
you did thank you , i understand now , its beautiful and sad too

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I'm not afraid of dieing i just dont want to be their when it happens
p.s
look at my stuff [link]
:iconcarthlete:
~Carthlete Nov 8, 2006, 11:33:33 AM
thank you

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well arent you just the queen of the castle?
:iconle-gasp:
~le-gasp Nov 9, 2006, 6:17:38 PM
i like the use of alliteration (not sure if im using that right, kinda brain dead) and it also evokes a lot of emotion in a focused way which is something key in poetry for me at least

nice job!

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I like my coffee :coffeecup: black just like my metal :headbang:
:iconcarthlete:
~Carthlete Nov 9, 2006, 7:04:40 PM
haha thanks so much :)

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well arent you just the queen of the castle?
:iconmoonlitwindypath:
~moonlitwindypath Nov 10, 2006, 12:50:40 AM
K. So, format wise: get all those lines lined up! It makes me think the first one has special significance :p .

grammar: its her dying day. --> It's, cos here tis short for it is.

Now that I'm done being nitpicky, on to the poem.:) I like it, awesome alliteration and word choice. Interesting little piece. Sometimes, it's good to assume your audience is dumb tho (some of us didn't think it about a flower) and it has more impact when you know what it's about. So, maybe if the title or something hinted at that, it'd be clearer. Anyway. Good work, well done and concise. Something I've not read about before for sure. ~T

--
“Writing is really very easy. Tap a vein and bleed onto the page. Everything else is just technical.” ~derrick jensen
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